My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
