I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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