She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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