He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
