I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
