New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
