Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize