oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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