God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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