check it out our google latitudes are spooning
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
