I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
