One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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