I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
