I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
