I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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