Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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