does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
