So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
