I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
