Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
