i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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