you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
