Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Randomize
