Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
