I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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