Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
