my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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