I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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