Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
