i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
