i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
