Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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