I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
