after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someone shattered a urinal.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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