I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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