no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
