We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
