Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
