There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
