If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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