Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
