I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
