why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
