I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
