I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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