Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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