Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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