so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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