I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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