It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
