it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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