At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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