So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
