he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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