I cockslap morals
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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