I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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