Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
