Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
