i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
