Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
