She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
