Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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