There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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