But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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