Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
