just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The beer is more important than you right now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
