shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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