There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
