gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
