So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
