Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
